wolf.

before an alter you fall on your knees
and claim to dedicate your life to the service of God
yet in his name you lead another astray
deceitful in nature, in Jesus name, you claim to love

to the wolf in sheep's clothing
may you live everyday smothered by your guilt
may your lies eat away at you like a cancer
may the darkness you live in, consume you

i pray for blind eyes to see
that hearts harden as you approach
i pray that they see the disgusting animal that you are
that you be ravaged the very demons that reside in you

so tell me that i'm condemned to hell 
for wishing you ill
tell me that i am no better than you
because your sins are weighed equal to mine
so tell me that i am in sin
for hating you
tell me!

my sins are before an audience
worn on my black coat
guilt will not be held over my head
you cannot kill what is already dead.

the death of me

can you feel the rhythm of my heart beating?
oh it's so high, how i long to fly
are you listening to the gasping of my breathing?
and gravity takes hold in a blink of an eye

on the edge of breaking, but i wouldn't take any of it back
and you wouldn't even know, but i'm falling between the cracks
oh how the cold and dark embrace me
desolate; sinking in the deepest of seas

one day you'll hold another
and you'll realize i was just another lover
with your bodies intertwined, i watched my dreams die
because for you i'd always turn a blind eye

take the breath caught between my words sung
take every inch of me
watch it burn for you
watch it burn because of you

Invisible

...maybe i'm done trying
maybe i'm the only one who's left fighting
fighting be loved
fighting to be someone
in
your life.
maybe it's time
to face the
truth
that i'll never be
enough
for
you.
maybe
you find more
consolation
comfort
in your media,
friends
...in those
who
have
everything
i
don't.
maybe
it's time
i face
the fact that
i will never enter
your world.
maybe it's time
i gave up on me
just as you have.
maybe it is time.
i will never
be her.
i will never
understand
and maybe
it's because
i was
never
given
the chance.
maybe you have fallen in love
with the person you wish me to be
maybe who i am
is not who you want to love.
maybe the thought of this being true
terrifies you the most
throws you off your feet
and the fear of the unknown
has you gripped on to my heart
wishing on stars
i will become
who you need.

marionette

broken promises

empty words

beautiful and luring

yet

deceiving 

oh how you lie

you know the sweetest words

and they kill

fill my heart and body with senseless hope

uplift me to the moon

to come crashing down

death sweep over me soon

what is the point?

what is the point of having loved you?

what's the point of a beautiful lie?

i am your marionette

control my dance

i never stood a chance

i'm a fool for your love

i am a prisoner of your heart,
you stole everything i ever dreamed of

useless

useless
and worthless
that's how you make me feel
this is all too real

forlorn
empty and torn
claiming to love me, you left me
sinking at the bottom of the sea

turn blue and black
hurt me and i come running back
i should run the opposite way
but you know i will stay.


you can't fix what is broken
with these words left unspoken.

what more?

what do you want from me?
what more could i say?
what more could i do?
if i had a time machine
i would go back and redo all of it
i would not let him near
i would be there for you
i would show you that i truly care about you
i would do it all in a heartbeat.

i did all i knew i could do
i did what i knew to be right
i did what i thought would save you

but instead i hurt you.
instead i birthed in you
hatred
hurt

i made you put up walls against anyone who dared love you
i made you misplace your anger, frustrations, and hurts
on anyone who dared to reach a hand out to you

blame me, cast all your hatred on me
separate yourself from me
if it's what will help you forget it all
if it's what will open your heart to love
do it all, but don't reject love in fear of being hurt.

if only, i could do it all over again
if only, i had the words to say
if only

i want you to stay.

why am i so afraid of losing you?
why is it that the thought of not being with you haunts me?
what if you're lying?
what if all that you said to me was all but a beautiful lie?

you see, you have me believing in a happily ever after
you got me thinking of a family
you got me thinking of marriage
you got me hoping for a true and sincere love
is it true?
or is it a lie?
please don't tell me that this is all a lie
please don't tell me that this all false hope
i don't know how i'll recover from this..
i don't know if i'll be able to move on without you

i've never known something so beautiful
you've given me hope
you're so perfect with all your imperfections

i was perfectly fine living without the illusion
of having someone by my side
without the illusion that i could have a family
none of that ever mattered
and now, you're here
and i want it all
i want it all with you

if you strip me of this, i don't know what else is left for me
for the first time in my life, i'm thinking of a husband
i'm thinking of having children
i'm thinking of a future
now please don't take this from me

i was fine, i had accepted a life of loneliness
and then you came along
you walked into my life and now i'm afraid of you walking out.
please stay with me.

i want you to stay.

caught in cross-fire

caught in the cross-fire of your destruction.

and i fight myself to not return the hatred and the anguish

you see, what you did was selfish

                                            self-loathing

                                                 perverse

                                            destructing

                                         destroying life and it's joy

i look at the trees dance in midst of winds and storms

and i long for their serenity

grace

peace

and beauty

their branches may break

but they continue life growing

i watch her

                   helpless

                 hurt

               bounded

             caged like a bird

          that belongs in the free skies

             flying high and low

               as it pleases

                but you held her

                  robbed her

                    tore her

leaving her

                searching

                             for a love

                                          something to fill the void.

the more i see

the more i hate

the more i want to hurt

                                        kill

                                        you 

                                        and

                                        i.

you for

taking

manipulating

taking advantage of her

innocence.

and i

for watching

                                       not giving her

                                       sufficient love

to make

her

realize

                    that you

                    were not

                                      her lover

                                      her care-giver

                                      her provider

                                      her everything

                                      but that  

you were her

button to

self-destruction

her

predator.

tell me.

what was i supposed to say? what am i to say?
would it have mattered if i said i cared?

you see, what you said weren't just words to me. it was a glimpse of what i thought i wanted. you played me, you had me believing in a happily ever after that you never planned to give to me.
so tell me that you're happy.
tell me that you at least have what you always wanted.
tell me that you have it all so it may justify stripping me of what i held as a dream come true.
tell me that your skies are forever blue.
tell me that you love her more than life.
tell me that it's true.
tell me.



so i'll keep moving, hoping i never have to see you again.
and i'll keep pretending that you didn't leave me broken,
pretending that i am strong,
pretending that you don't matter and that i don't think about you almost every day,
pretending that i don't think of what could have been if we were a happy family.
i'll keep pretending that i am happy.

dreams

you come to me in my dreams

haunt me, taunt me.

tell me sweet lies

and our time together flies

only to wake alone

heavy with a heart of stone

and i'd give anything

to hear you sing

i carry you deep within me

i feel you in the breeze by the sea

calling, calling my name

and i am here to blame.

i can't live without you

i can't keep on wishing you'd remember. i can't hold on to a hopeless dream. you were my everything; i gave you my heart a long time ago and i never got it back, but it's ok, i will eventually move on. i will learn to live without it. i will learn to breathe without you. i will learn. 

"funny, you're the broken one, but i'm the only one who needed saving cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving."