These Days I Don't Sleep

funny thing about depression
some days all you do is sleep
til it isn't so funny
dreams become your best friend
the bed -- your mistress
and other days your mind can't be silenced
there is no rest


these days I don't sleep


these days my mind plays your smile like an old film
your voice like a broken record
these days I remember the way you used to look at me
the days when there was hope for the wise and the naive
I remember the days when the 'I love you's' were never-ending
the embraces perfectly filled every crevice of my soul
your hands were my hands
I wore your arm around my shoulders like a scarf
your kisses like burns
your scent like precious perfume
and when you sang
oh when you sang
I knew love
I knew belonging
I was yours


these days I don't sleep


these days I spend thinking of ways to turn back the hands of time
trying to figure out if anyone has come close to building a time machine
losing my mind hoping for one more chance to make this right
losing my mind trying to figure out when loving someone meant losing yourself
when loving someone meant destroying every piece of me to keep you whole
these days I have no hope
these days I long for slumber like a kiss of true love from your desolate lips would change any of this

but I don't sleep

last night, you said you're not in love with me anymore
and I wonder if you ever were


I guess I believed in fairy tales
I guess I believed love conquered all
but all it did was take me as a concubine
stripped me of all I had
and left me forsaken
and I long for one more kiss
one more embrace
just a bit of your love

these days I don't sleep

For you, my love

My Sun
My Moon and Stars
give
heart
soul
mind
time
youth
gave
everything and everyone
away


for you.


I'm
empty.
Took it all
showered yourself
in my love
my tears
my pain
left me
an
empty vessel.
Darkness fills the void
where you once stood.
Orchestrated my downfall
took my love,
took my life.

Love doesn't conquer all;
sometimes love isn't enough
sometimes the highest tower
can make you fly
give me the skies if only for a second
give me wings to fly
take the weight of rejection
hatred
pain
and let me fly
feel the breeze against my face.

Life is too cruel;
life is a game for the strong
and I have fragile bones.

My beloved
I love you
My beloved
I'm sorry I wasn't enough
My beloved
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.