caught in cross-fire

caught in the cross-fire of your destruction.

and i fight myself to not return the hatred and the anguish

you see, what you did was selfish

                                            self-loathing

                                                 perverse

                                            destructing

                                         destroying life and it's joy

i look at the trees dance in midst of winds and storms

and i long for their serenity

grace

peace

and beauty

their branches may break

but they continue life growing

i watch her

                   helpless

                 hurt

               bounded

             caged like a bird

          that belongs in the free skies

             flying high and low

               as it pleases

                but you held her

                  robbed her

                    tore her

leaving her

                searching

                             for a love

                                          something to fill the void.

the more i see

the more i hate

the more i want to hurt

                                        kill

                                        you 

                                        and

                                        i.

you for

taking

manipulating

taking advantage of her

innocence.

and i

for watching

                                       not giving her

                                       sufficient love

to make

her

realize

                    that you

                    were not

                                      her lover

                                      her care-giver

                                      her provider

                                      her everything

                                      but that  

you were her

button to

self-destruction

her

predator.

tell me.

what was i supposed to say? what am i to say?
would it have mattered if i said i cared?

you see, what you said weren't just words to me. it was a glimpse of what i thought i wanted. you played me, you had me believing in a happily ever after that you never planned to give to me.
so tell me that you're happy.
tell me that you at least have what you always wanted.
tell me that you have it all so it may justify stripping me of what i held as a dream come true.
tell me that your skies are forever blue.
tell me that you love her more than life.
tell me that it's true.
tell me.



so i'll keep moving, hoping i never have to see you again.
and i'll keep pretending that you didn't leave me broken,
pretending that i am strong,
pretending that you don't matter and that i don't think about you almost every day,
pretending that i don't think of what could have been if we were a happy family.
i'll keep pretending that i am happy.

dreams

you come to me in my dreams

haunt me, taunt me.

tell me sweet lies

and our time together flies

only to wake alone

heavy with a heart of stone

and i'd give anything

to hear you sing

i carry you deep within me

i feel you in the breeze by the sea

calling, calling my name

and i am here to blame.

i can't live without you

i can't keep on wishing you'd remember. i can't hold on to a hopeless dream. you were my everything; i gave you my heart a long time ago and i never got it back, but it's ok, i will eventually move on. i will learn to live without it. i will learn to breathe without you. i will learn. 

"funny, you're the broken one, but i'm the only one who needed saving cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving."